“Hindustan ko lunch kha jayega!”

[Text and sketches by D.B.]

The credit for the title goes to Mr. XYZ who was sitting next to me at the Reception of the ABC office. The identity of the individual has been changed as per his request as he fears strict action against him for being offensive to such a high – level office. And the identity of the office has been changed for the sake of ‘smooth’ working and bright future of this blog and long life of the authors as the office mentioned above really belongs to a verrrry high – level.

Actually, we were waiting for the receptionist at the office reception who had gone for lunch (1-2 PM) and it was already 2:30 when he said, “Duniya mein log lunch khaate hain… par Hindustan ko ek din lunch hi kha jayega”. For that particular moment it was the most distressed statement that I had ever heard in 24 years of my career. It was enough to define the anguish of the person as a citizen of this country and I got as numb as if I was asked why India lost to Pakistan in cricket? I mean, you can never find a come-back to such things. The only thing I could do is to write about the ‘lunching’ habits of India in order to appreciate the country for being dedicated to at least one thing i.e. Lunch Time. Also I wanted to appreciate the person for actually ‘thinking’ about the country.

Bhayi ek baat toh maan ni padhegi… India is known for its variety of foods and the ways to prepare it. Thus we do not have any right to book the people for eating lunch! But we have another trait – ‘Evolving’! We evolved the ‘lunch break’ into something which is so complicated that even if we try we can’t define it within the lunch time! Figuring out what actually a ‘lunch break’ means for us, I found few funniest facts about the Indian Lunching tradition. Digest them well!

Rituals

This is the second most interesting thing to look out for (first being the tiffin itself). Lunch is treated as a time of celebration in our country. It is never too early to start a lunch. We literally get ‘ready’ for it! For example, people start moving towards washrooms – very normal. Some have special cloth (and time) for cleaning the table before the lunch while others just start looking at the clock at least 15 minutes prior to the actual lunch time.

Once it has started, the whole country comes to halt. Nothing works during the lunch time. Sometimes I feel that Indian government might have got the idea of ‘cease fire’ from the concept of lunch time only. Talking about government how can we forget our dedicated government officials? First of all you won’t find any on their respective windows. Even if you get hold of someone, ask the receptionist and you’ll be replied with a most helpless face and a tagline, “Abhi toh lunch time hai na… Abhi toh nahin ho sakta!” And why not, the delight of gulping that one bite after the tedious work pressure is incomparable to anything and is priceless.

But what we actually love is the ‘post-lunch’ phase. Your lunch might finish in 15 minutes but the story actually starts after that. It is just the way we love having rayeta after the main meal. Yumm! What we do in this phase - Chai, gossip, cigarette, a small-walk, chatting on phone, deserts, playing cricket and dedicated to the winter season - moong-phali and dhoop mein baithna! O ho! Mazaa hi aagaya! Some even have the ability to take a nap in that period – remember the ‘power-nap’ of Viru Sahastra Buddhey from 3-Idiots? This is the phase which unintentionally increases the time written on all notices from 2:00 to 2:30. All this started from the schools-life. That is when we learned the habit of reaching the class ‘five’ minutes late knowing that the teacher would be late herself. Wonder why don’t they have bells or alarms in offices ‘trinnnning’ and telling people that its 2:00 already?      

Waiting in anticipation

Have you ever been to a government office at the time of lunch? [Na… I am asking to the public, not the Babus or the working class] I have been to many and that is when I love to see how people wait for the officials to be seated on their office seats officially. Even the beggars would lose to them in terms of facial expressions. On the other hand, as it is a ‘public’ office, the cabin is also made up of glass. Some people who are waiting sometimes start gazing the tiffin instead of the official. Chain se khane bhi mat dena?    

Punctuality

No one can beat us in that. We are already damn punctual in everything else and now Lunch Time! The only time we realize that we are late is when the Boss reaches his cabin on time. All, from the Head to the Peon, everyone takes it verrrry lightly ji. The only office I have seen which has the minimum time for lunch i.e. 15 minutes is the Indian Railways Ticket Counters. It is ‘written’ in red-paint on all the windows on every counter but how well it is observed is the big question! If you have lesser minutes dedicated to act of eating, please dial 911 for help!

We Indians have another remarkable habit of finding faults within ourselves and looking for perfection in others. Thus following the Indian tradition I would like to mention what I observed while comparing our work culture with the countries in west. Here it is - the western countries have only two things which keep them ahead of us –

1.       They know Angrezi by birth, and

2.       They eat fast food

Chai piyo... Mast jiyo!

The author has tried to bring out the sweet realities of Indian lunch time (as if you didn’t know) but still the author feels proud to be a lunch – freak himself, in fact, half of the above mentioned incidences are the one-hand experiences he had during his training period. The author himself loves to have a cup of tea after lunch with Aloo Bhujiya – for table booking please contact panwadi.tales@gmail.com