SHE’S ALWAYS A WOMAN TO ME...

TO my mother, whom I LOVE for everything she has let me be even when told "ladki hai, itna uchalne mat do!"

 TO my sisters- who have been god sents, and 

TO my grandmother: Although I thought she'd much rather have had grandsons, I only realised in her last moments what I meant to her and She meant to me... 

Satyamev Jayate... Aamir Khan’s latest show today chose the topic of female foeticide in India. Why does it take this man to make us realise our strength? I mean indulging in stupid discussions like he's a man, and would we have reacted the same had a woman anchor anchored the show, is for the foolish. Man or woman, the issue at hand is bigger, not the anchor of the show. My point is, why a TV show, and why a popular icon and why only Aamir Khan.. to realise the evil that lurks amongst us?

How many mothers had suffered multiple abortions killing one child after the other because their in-laws didn’t wish for girls.... my eyes were moist with the least of realisation. It was reflex, I don’t think it needed reasons, it just needed stimulus, and the pain followed unconsciously. Not just for that unborn foetus, but I don’t think words can describe what that mother must have suffered killing a part of her every time. Ever heard a mother talk about her infant? Ever realised how much joy every action of those ten little fingers and ten little toes gives them?

How much she must have prayed to never have conceived, so that she wouldn’t have to kill her child if it turned out to be a girl. Enough to cause NUMBNESS...to think that women are such mute entities even today! And it isn’t just rural India. In fact I think Rural India respects womanhood more than Urban India. I mean anything and everything walking on two feet and feminine is meant to be an object of tease, cat-calls and obscene gestures on the streets of my city. The least you expect is at least the educated to behave humane.

I write today humming by Billy Joel in the back of my mind:

"She'll promise you more than the Garden of Eden,
She'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleedin...
She'll bring out the best and the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself,
Cause she's always a woman to me"

Womanhood is beautiful. It is pure nature, pure artistry and pure expression. The right woman can make the man want to be a better person, a deserving match. The right woman can make or break a man. Losing the right woman can make him go Insane.

Meenakshi- a word that describes the fish shaped full eyes, eyes that are the knives that penetrate the heart, can pierce through great men. Anger, anguish, pain and tears in the eyes of the woman you love can be fatal. I remember a friend of mine telling me after I had poured out in front of him, “How do you girls do it seriously? Cry and talk at the same time. Please don’t ever do that again. It hurts to see you cry and struggle for words, really. It’s like background music, when you speak and that tear runs along your cheek. Its torture”

Dharini- a word that describes the mother Earth; Earth is called Mother earth- not Papa Globe because the female is a symbol for sustenance, of patience. They nurture you in their womb, bring you into this world, make you into the person you become, give you an extra morsel from the one on their plates, give you the spot of the bed that is more cosy, and cherish that old worn out saree that you might have bought them from your first salary, because they can do all of it in a heartbeat if they love you.

Nautanki – Imagine two college girls in full animation gossiping about someone among themselves on a hot summer day, giggling, clapping hands, tossing their hair around and covering their mouths bursting into laughter. No matter how muggy and jampacked the bus is, they are busy chatting in their own world, and the whole janta around them stares. Forget about the 45 degree temperature and the smell of hot metal, they laugh to themselves when the girls laugh too hard, they smile when the girls pass a snear at someone, and in general the whole act is very engaging. I don’t think the male gender will ever be able to be as expressive or command as many eyes as women.

Nalini- Delicate and gentle as the dawn, it reminds me of a woman’s fresh face, fresh after a shower with her hair soaking the sun in the wind, moist from the head bath, eyes looking down away from the sun in a white kurta with chicken embroidery on a summer morning on her terrace.  And the minute those eye look up and right into yours, the air in your lungs get stuck for that split second, and gushes out the next second, expressing your exact emotion “hai” – of redemption. Very Aditya Chopra, I know, but women can really be mysterious, vulnerable and strong all within seconds.

Dhairyam- She can be strong in times when you doubt yourself. My mother always did it with her glass full of Haldi Doodh and lots of Aloo Sabsi when I was down and low. My best friend does for me each birthday with our customary pancakes and maple syrup breakfast at McDonalds at 7:00 am. It’s just a reassurance for me to hang in there through the bad times and the good times. They can walk with you and hold your hand right when your ex walks past you even if you don’t want them to because they know you need it. They can just ruffle your hair up after you’ve vented out your daily frustrations to them in a flurry of sentences, and that feels better than a Kerala Massage.  

They can read your mind at times without the need to fill the pauses with words. Women are truly magical. I am sure our mothers would have made it through the darkest times without shedding a tear in front of us, for fear that we may realise that our idols are really not shatter-proof. Its resistance and strength under torsion...

And the last- is the Chaaturyam- Cleverness: A woman’s foxy smile can turn the spotlight on, in a crowd, in solitude or in a candle light...and we sure know how to wield it in different directions. Sometimes it lightens the moods, sometimes it leads men on, sometimes it just says, “It is funny, but stop before I’m pissed off.” When she huffs and says, “Why should I only compromise?” it simply means I just want you to take care of my illogical whim this once.  When she picks up the phone with a “hmmm”, the same hmmm can be one of affection or one of disappointment, and they are worlds apart, just the hmmms...

When you ask her why she is serious, she says “nothing”, it means it is nothing that you can solve, so if you are going to give her an advice or a solution, shut it. And when it continues on to “it’s just that...” it means just listen to her and let her get it out. She is smart enough to solve it herself. Never tell a woman you know more than her about herself, she can throw a canon ball to wipe that smug smile off your face. Never underestimate the wickedness of a woman she’s a devil if she wants to pry your secrets out of you. Let her be a child - taken care of, and well protected but never call her childish- she is mature enough to fend for herself, and old enough to understand your intentions well. Let her fall from her mistakes but just be there to catch her, not to stop her from falling. And always love your woman, your mother, your sister and your grandmother like you would want to be loved in return. You can’t bargain with them because they are way way way better at bargains than you will ever be.

And these are just a few, I can just go on listing like saundarya, shringara, amtaja, shakthi and many such beautiful words of Sanskrit that were moulded around women...but in the words of the great “No one killed Jessica...”

“Thodi si Kameeni, Thodi Namkeeni

  Thodi si Nasheeli Thodi Zehreeli hai...”

I was reading my diary a few days ago and I had once written in it after a break up, “I have done this quite a few times now. I just can’t get in and get out again. My heart will not be able to take it… there is only a certain saturation to anyone’s hurt and pain, and mine is almost there.”

When’s our saturation coming? When do we as women start respecting ourselves and the women around us? When do we start treating our daughters and daughters-in-law the same?

And not as mere male child-bearing machines but a creation above them all- like God’s muse. Great battles have been fought over a woman’s ego and her honour.

And I think the guys will agree with me when I say the act of “nautanki”- melodrama will be missed the most in a world without women. It will be a dry world without expression, a world without heartbreaks, and a world without love....Satyamev Jayate, do we really need that to tell us something we already know? 

Niet...